I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
