Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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