The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
