My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize