considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
