I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
