Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize