so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
