you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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