she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
