boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
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cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
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My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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