what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
