Banned from zoo.
Again?
she told me i tasted like america
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
