i jhust puked up my retainher.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
