The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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