Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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