I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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