you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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