Your tits are I can't wait for
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
