tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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