All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
