So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
