I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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