READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
