I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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