STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
