i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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