I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
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Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
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its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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