Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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