I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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