You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
