It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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