my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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