How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
