How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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