Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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