I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
