i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
