It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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