half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
