Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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