Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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