Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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