4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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