I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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