No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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