I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
