forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
