woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My vagina is very pro this idea
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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