Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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