Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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