a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is Oprah even human
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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