In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize