I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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