Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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