woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
