Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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