just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
