true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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