I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
