fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Who did Billy Mays play for?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
