I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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