JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
